Artist depiction of a giant, child-eating, spider.
Creature Statistics
Maximum Observed Size: 10ft (with legs spread)
Known Immunities: Axes, Fire, Bullets, Poisons
Known Weaknesses: Vegetables
Background
Historically, arachnologists (scientists who study spiders) have been hesitant to acknowledge the existence of large spiders capable of eating children. Recently, however, a growing number of sightings have caused an upheaval of traditional scientific thought on the matter.
More and more people are seeing large spiders in their areas. Reliable eyewitness reports from Colorado, Utah, and most recently, Oklahoma have lead scientists to re-evaluate their position on these deadly creatures.
Recent Sightings
In Utah an eight year old child named Stanley was attacked and nearly eaten whole by a spider that the locals have named Crickity Joe. Stanley was Trick or Treating with three of his friends when he was nearly eaten alive by Crickity Joe. Stanley’s parents witnessed the whole incident. Stanley’s mom, Barbera, claims that the only reason her son is still alive is that when Crickity Joe tried to drag Stanley into the bushes, a bag of green beans fell out of his trick or treat sack. When the spider saw the green beans, its eyes widened and it rapidly skittered away. Barbera said that one of the neighbors had given the vegetables out as a healthy alternative to candy.
In Colorado a 6 year old girl named Bridget only survived when a small bag of baby carrots fell out of her trick or treat sack, according the Bridget’s grandma, Mrs. Brooks. Mrs. Brooks stated that, “The big cursed thing was standing completely still. We thought it was a fake halloween decoration! It was only after we turned our backs on it, that it moved to attack! It even lunged past Carl and Billy, Bridget’s brothers, to get to her!” Follow up reports have indicated that Carl is a vegetarian and Billy eats a healthy, balanced diet, rich in vegetables.
Scientists now hypothesize that giant spiders may hate vegetables and won’t even attempt to eat children who have consumed several helpings of vegetables recently. Additional research is needed to verify this claim.
In Oklahoma, a shady spider salesman was caught selling pet spiders out of the truck of his 2005 Chevy Malibu at a Walmart in NW Oklahoma City. Buyers of these spiders were shocked to discover that the spiders they brought home would soon outgrow the small boxes they came in. As the spiders got bigger they also became more aggressive.
Frightened by the overwhelming size of the creatures, one owner tried to exterminate his spider with insecticide. It didn’t work. He was later identified in the morgue by his dental records.
Another unlucky spider owner tried to burn her vicious spider with a blowtorch, but it didn’t work at all. The spider was non-flamable. The only thing her fiancee found was one of her Hello Kitty socks that the spider must have spit out before skittering off into the night.
The third reported incident in Oklahoma was of a man who tried to dispense of his spider with an axe. They spider didn’t even flinch as its super-tough skin repelled the blow. Authorities found the man’s half eaten corpse behind a Chuckie Cheese on NW Expressway.
Additional reports have come in that indicate the spider is most likely bullet proof as well.
So far the only thing this creature seems to fear is a balanced diet, rich in vegetables and fruits.
I guess it’s true what they say, “Eat your vegetables so you can grow up to be big and strong.” What we didn’t know until now, is that you may never grow up at all if you don’t!